Where I end and you begin

30Jul06

Or perhaps it should be where you end and I begin. The issue with parents and children. Parents never seem to let go of their children. Never seem to be able to get it into their heads that the kid is all grown up and the kid needs to know what it means to be independent before getting into situations like marriage. Parents are complicated. They think they know what is best for you and its usually what they had hoped they had done in their life but never got around to it. Either that or they want you to do exactly as they did.

I sound all confusing and pissed off, I know. But well, seriously, I seem to have lost the ability to communicate with my parents. We barely ever see eye to eye on most things and the things that seem important to me in life are what we barely ever agree on. I am twenty and I have a curfew. I know that my parents’ idea of how I should live my life is way different from what I want with my life. I never realised the magnitude of this difference till a few nights ago when I sat down to write this entry but I was spent. They want me to be the all Indian girl that is obedient, submissive at times, caring, self-sacrificing and I don’t know whatever else and basically want me to get home by 10pm and never moveout till the day I get married to some guy that I will meet through them for maybe a couple of times or a few more at most before I decide to get married to this particular one or meet more guys from their selection and well, that is an altogether different matter seeing as how I don’t, for even one second, believe that there will be some guy in this community that will be compatible to me. But yes. That’s life. When I get married is when I get to be independent I hear.

Naturally, I have plans of my own for my life. This is my life. I live it the way I want. And the way I want might not be what you approve but you see, I don’t subscribe to your beliefs and your values and ideas. You might even say that I won’t be happy all alone and leading an unsuitable lifestyle but you see, at least I chose that. It’s not like living under parents means my life is the happiest it could ever be or even happy at all. There is also the aspect of gender discrimination that I am completely leaving out but there are far too many issues tangled up in this whole mess that I don’t want to be involved in. I want to move out. Live on my own. This doesn’t mean that I don’t care about my parents. Far from that. I am going to say one of those things that seem to be bullshit but yeah, you know, if I moved out we would all be on good terms and absence makes the heart grow fonder.Ultimately, nothing I do or say is going to change them. They take it that its their bloody responsibilty to pay for my expenses, pay for all my education if I intend to further my studies, find the right guy and only then will their responsibilties suddenly cease to exist. I can’t see any sense in that. They should understand that I am my own person. I don’t suppose that’s happening anytime soon.

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7 Responses to “Where I end and you begin”

  1. 1 nive

    It’s disappointing that I can’t seem to add the song from which the title was insipred. It’s by Radiohead.

    Let’s see if it works here…

  2. 2 Nive

    Ok. So it doesn’t work here either.

  3. 3 Q

    all of us got different parents. they are good or bad in someways but at least they are not the type who will appear in the front page of the NEW PAPER in bold red fonts. my mum is strict too and my dad is the opposite cos he dont care. she will just talk forever and i wish i was a traffic police with the stop sign. if she doesnt agree with my viewpt i just have it my way u know.

    like i said, they cant force u to end up with chandra ( u rmm him) or other blokes of their choice. if the curfew is that bad y not talking things thru with one of them. keep in mind once the decision is made, its final. plan b: if u have an uncle who really knows that his time and ur time are different and can help ur parents to bridge the generation gap then talk to him. he might be able to pull a few strings for u.

    can be done.lol

  4. 4 sathya

    i know this sounds cliched…but might work..(too positive)

    put yourself in the shoes of your parents…and try to see how they were raised and how u r brought up…there will be a whole lot of differences..which explains how they r what they r..and how u r what u r…

    and u can’t expect change immediately!..it takes time…take care

  5. 5 Nive

    Hey Q, yea.. rmm him alright.. haha.. but well, its not that they will actually brutally force me into it. They have their own ways of making you do that but honestly, I am not going to settle for that… And when I try talking to them, they simply don’t want to listen and they don’t explain their stand and expect me to simply listen. I don’t know how to build trust, I suppose. And I’ve tried getting a close relative to ease matters through but mostly my parents don’t really listen.

    Hey Sathya, I know I can’t expect change immediately but this thing has been goin on for a long long time and well, things just seem to get more complicated. I mean things like marriage and such, I don’t even have concern for right now but they keep bringing it up. I suppose the differences could explain some stuff but there really is quite a whole lot that leaves me puzzled and I try to get them to explain to me but they don’t. They expect me to listen and not ask questions. Anyways. I am still what I am and they are what they are. We’ll just have to see what happens when the time really comes and in the meantime, I want them to forget about the curfew! haha..

  6. 6 szez

    Babe, have you had dinner with your mom alone yet? Remember what I said at Original Sin? Bring her out, let her see your friends, maybe then she will be able to see why you think differently from her. And you know what? You gotta let her read this blog entry. I think it’s a great way for her to understand you. 🙂

  7. Yes Q, pretent I’m not here.


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