It’s uncanny how every expat or exchange student I talk to agree with me on almost all things politically related to the general public of Singapore.
Was reading George Orwell’s 1984 in Starbucks this afternoon when the Afro-american gentleman sitting at the next table asked if I was reading it as a literature textbook, because he studied it in high school.. out of curiousity from his accent I asked if he’s American to which he said yea, he grew up in Utah/Texas (can’t remember where exactly), went to through the whole law education, passed the bar (because I told him what I was studying) and stopped practice because he couldn’t stand the grey area of law. Back where he’s from, he learnt things to be “black or white”, so, well. He became an entreprenuer and came to Singapore with his 6 kids and wife to start new subsidiary businesses, and will be going to expand his business in KL. Since they’re staying in a prime housing estate here, I’d say his business is thriving. I mean, he does have a family of 8. lol. Anyway, I digress.

Yadda yadda for 5 mins, and the inevitable question pops up: “So how do you find Singapore so far?”
Like any other foreign person I’ve met in S’pore, he launches into familiar topics from the narrow-mindedness of the people here, the famous Singlish and how he had to get use to it, to the way Singaporeans don’t really open up to casual conversations with Strangers from Overseas (my honest opinion would be because average Singaporeans don’t really know what to talk about to expats due to their general unworldliness & tendency of resisting the use of standard English in conversations) but he doesn’t see that in KL (Malaysia boleh! Pardon my sudden bout of patriotism)… etc.
The wife Lynette and myself agreed that Singaporeans’ apathy towards everything outside Singapore and their general gratification of earning SGD3-4k a month is a result of ideological conditioning (to borrow sociological jargon) paramount to the way this country is run. For Singapore to have its present economic prowess in comparison to neighbouring Asian countries, there need to be a sacrifice, in its people. The truth of all the hoo-ha about how Singaporean media is filled with stringent censorship and its education system a conspiracy of churning batches of propagandised clockwork oranges is that most Singaporeans are generally grouchy about things like that but can’t do much except to complain, but they know nothing’s gonna change because the clever control of manpower makes or breaks the efficiency of operations in the governement’s ministries, which translates into the quality of life and comfort level in their everyday lives.
So they have learnt to swallow income tax hikes and ERP hikes and GST hikes etc and be contented with SGD3.50 per hour jobs because whatever’s good for the economy is good for them in the long run, so says the government.

“If the CPF is not made compulsory, what will you do in your retirement? We’re helping you plan for it! If everybody demands better -paying jobs, we’re just going to increase the income tax again, or where do you think the nice roads and trees we plant along them come from? Oh and let’s not forget the Esplanade. Thanks to the government’s clever marketing plan to invest billions into it, we’re now a Hub for the arts in this part of Asia!! Hurray!”
I can just hear the MPs spew this speech in the pre-election rallies.

It took me till today to realise the fantasy of living an ordinary but meaningful life has been entrenched in national education. A very good example is one of the mandarin national day songs in which the lyrics go (loosely translated):

“I never cared that I’m not someone important, being ordinary is a kind of happiness… looking at the lives of famous people who’re constantly busy, I’m glad I can control my own time, living an ordinary life is great…”

The encouragement towards mediocracy and against achieving greater things in life is indeed important. That’s how they prevent brain-drains and retain their creme de la creme within the borders of this island I guess.
Best not to let them yearn for life in New York, Milan, London, Vancouver, Tokyo, Shanghi, Taipei etc, well they’d better devote their lives to the good of their nation especially the scholars, since the government’s spent so much on them by sending them overseas to tap into foreign expertise in science and technology.
And that’s why I see so many Singaporeans so happy and proud of the cleanliness of their Garden City and their Changi Airport, Singapore Airlines, GAP opening up franchises here, the high value Singaporean passports fetch in the black market, NTUC, the exotic image of this cosmopolitan, PAP-run, multi-racial and multi-cultural island they call home, the expressways and gastronomical food offerings available in food courts while they banter against the lack of freedom of speech, the lack of entertainment varieties, & their alien expat colleagues who steal their jobs, during coffee breaks in fluent Singlish. Great job, PAP.

Pet Peeves on the mrt….the infamy of you-know-who-you-are….own up!

-people who play music from their cell-phone’s speakers. terribly inconsiderate, and whoever they are obviously think they have great taste in music and other passengers would thank them for the free entertainment. the music quality is raspingly bad, and most of the time i can’t make out the lyrics at all. so pipe down, imbeciles.

-this is like part 2 of the first type of ppl..them who wait for their phone to ring for like, what, 30 seoconds before they answer, because, oooooh they’ve got kewl ring tones that they wanta show off. piss off! if you want gd music, plug in your ipods and keep your music to yourself.. PLEASE…

-people who just keep staring at you with no expressions on their faces. I’m not sure if they’re sleeping with their eyes open or something, but I find people staring straight at me, and it’s disconcerting especially because when i stare right back at them, they continue to stare at me unflinchingly! They don’t even look away! It’s pretty spooky. I usually just keep my head down these days so I don’t notice anyone staring because I’ll be engrossed in my book. I always have a book to read on the train. heh.

-people who read the papers and take up 2 seats. or worse, CONTINUE to take up space when someone seats right next to them. What’s the deal with middle-aged, paper-reading men on the train? they like to open their legs so wide they block my leg space. When stuck in this situation, I usually just stand up and move to another spot on the train. grr.

-people who carry a designer bag with the brand logo plastered all over just so they can show that they’re carrying a designer bag but their clothes don’t even match the bag, like women in This Fashion kind of clothes or just tee shirt and shorts, and they’ll have a small luxury handbag (usually the design’s nothing special. Think the conventional LV or Gucci monograms) hanging off their elbow. I’d kill myself if I design a nice bag and people carry it with thrashy clothes. seriously. you gotta match the clothes with the bag especially when you want designer bags! Don’t carry designer to show you can afford one (because usually that’s the only one you have, isn’t it). Carry a designer bag when you can afford decent clothes at least, to go with it.

Met this super patriotic librarian door man (security guard who keeps bags and writing pads with notes on them off the reference section..don’t ask me why they do that. The only reasons i can think of is they’re afraid you might plant a bomb to destroy their reference books, and they wanta earn the money off you from the photocopy machines) who kept saying his government is really generous because it sponsors foreign talents with scholarships & PR-status…It’s funny how fiercely he praised his government but denied himself to be pro-government when I asked him if he was. Anyways, he’s just an old bugger. I refused to flame him. Had more important things to do.

Also posted on Szez’s blog 

Anyways, lookie at the up and coming new MRT lines! Not really sure when it’s gg to start, but this is will make taxi drivers cry….

(Click to enlarge)

While going through a temporarily rough patch with my guy, I wrote about On being selfish & single. I mentioned how people get married for all the wrong reasons and end up all unhappy and feeling tied up. The bottomline for every woman who wants to be in a relationship is to be happily in a relationship, otherwise it’s better to stay single.
I used the defence of self-protectionism. Women seek to perfect an imperfect relationship all the time, trust me. But then they can turn out in 2 ways – to end it all when it doesn’t work out or to let it drag, hoping the guy will change for her. I always advise girlfriends in torturing relationships to avoid the latter. Ditch the guy who refuses to accept and appreciate the core of your existence because he who doesn’t respect your individuality doesn’t deserve your time.

For most women of today, as much as we want to have the perfect life with the perfect man, the ideal of perfection is nonetheless still a tad impossible to reach. Therefore, in the hopes of finding Mr Near-Perfect, women try to dissect the hints & tell-tale signs of Mr Potentials. It IS complex. I’ll try my best to simplify the mystifying criteria of What Women Want in men. I wrote in my first article on Honest Opinion on categories of Singaporean Males. And the following evaluation is way overdue because I did promise to follow up on why nice guys can’t get girls they like.

Imagine walking along Orchard Road as an eligible, attractive female in your early twenties and spotting some hotties as they walk past. Women are subtle when they check out dudes who catch their eyes.
We do not ogle, we do not stare. Maybe, if we want you to know we are checking you out and hopefully you’ll check us out in return, we give The Lingering Glance. Those who earn The Lingering Glance (because they look cute – a general description of guys who make us gush secretly) unfortunately, have a higher percentage of being another John Tucker who date for ego-boosts, pleasure and trophy girlfriends. All we really want is to make sure Mr Good-looker isn’t just looking for a quick fling for cheap thrills.

As a General Rule, women look for, above any other qualities, a great personality in men when seeking partners in relationships. We like a balance of sensitivity, chauvinism (yes it’s nice to an extent to let the man take charge once in a while. It can be rather manly and sexy. Just don’t overdo it), physical attractiveness, good hygiene (very important because women are attracted to men who smell clean: it means they take good care of themselves), sense of fidelity and morality, attentiveness (it means he listens and not take our complaints as nagging and demands) & worldliness (why do you think they say men are at their prime when they’re in their 40′s? It’s because by that age, accomplishment & wisdom in men make women look up to them with respect. They’ll feel a sense of security because they’re not with a man who doesn’t know to carry himself in public) at any age at all actually.

The irony in attracting girls is, men think smooth talk wins any girl over, but when done wrongly, it becomes a sign that he is trying too hard and that becomes a total turn-off.
Be earnest and sincere, and try not to sound sexist.

Of course, in deeper insight, different women look for different men. To make it simpler for you clueless single men out there, I hope this helps. But I’m afraid my knowledge is confined to university girls or girls in their early twenties.

Material Girl – She looks out for men who drive posh cars (even to school, because that means his Daddy’s rich) and wear designer clothes and speak fluent English. Need I say more? You should avoid her at all costs if you want to save your wallet. She’s usually typically thin-kinda pretty (not beautiful from within – think makeup and high heels and Hollywood-standard grooming), well-dressed and ultra sociable with everybody. She doesn’t mind rich but ugly men, as long as she gets her Gucci handbag and Jimmy Choos as birthday presents. All she wants is $ and to be driven around in a convertible, looking like she’s already leading the high life…

The One who doesn’t want to be left on the shelf - Do Not be shocked. Yes, there are some women who would settle for any guy who has interest in dating them because it makes them feel wanted. OR it makes them feel like they still have “market value” in the dating game. They usually come in groups of 2 to 4, & they’re always pleasant looking but not yet stunning, you know what I mean? They are trendy and clique-ish, sometimes still giggly and yes, they are quite flirty when they spot a guy they fancy. This is the group of women men-who-know-they’re-not-Tom-Cruise should go for. All they want is attention & a sincerity to have a real relationship. Women just want to be cherished and respected most of the time.

She who has independence and self-respect – Women like this have relationships & dating at the bottom of their to-do list. And they’re usually focused in their work and can be a bitch because they’re not trying for the popularity title. They can be hot or average looking, but usually they should end up looking polished as a testimony to their achievements. Think Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. They are seeking self-actualisation but they can do without romantic love because they have family and friends for emotional support.
The catch is, an equally self-respecting mature man would win her heart. And men who know they’re needy in a relationship should avoid trying to woo women of this kind because she will see you holding her back when you demand more attention than she can afford to give you. Boys need not apply.

Daddy’s Girl – Used to getting things her way, princesses like this have tantrums, will demand men to do things for her, and is emotionally fragile once she feels neglected because people are not revolving around her. Yet, men are attracted to girls like this because out of harmless chivalry & male-chauvinism, because they want to “protect” these little princesses. If you are one of those men who like cutesy pixeys and have a lot of love and patience to give, you probably will find bliss with a girl like this.

Miss Uncontented – She jumps from relationship to relationship looking for The One without realising she’s driving him away with her obssessiveness with the current boyfriend, planning futures together and giving herself in totality to every man in her relationship. Now that IS scary unless some dude can see something in common with her. I know guys need their guy-space to hang out with their buddies once in a while. With Miss U-C, that is not possible because she WILL be smothering you with attention. Literally.

In all the women described above, the General Rule applies. Now, I shall solve the mystery of why nice guys can’t seem to get girls to fall in love with them. The reason is, well, they’re too nice to everybody, so nice that the girl with them will feel like the affection is shared. Every girl wants to feel special. So even if you are a genuinely nice guy, be sure to draw the line & keep your distance with female friends for the sake of your girlfriend. It doesn’t mean you’re compromising your personality and friendships. In every relationship, there’s a give and take. If she is able to behave like she’s already yours, you better do the same for her. It’s tit for tad. If you start being overly helpful and nosy about the trivial affairs of other friends especially the female ones, she probably will start meeting and caring for guy friends because she thinks it’s alright for her to show friendly affection for other men like the way you’re so generous with your universal love. So, make a girl feel like she’s the centre of your universe, and she’ll be yours.

Another Honest Opinion exclusive.

First off, lets make this clear. Every one of our parents had no problems attracting mates. That means that our genes are good enough for us to attract mates of your own. Problem is, people tend to view attractiveness as something physical, something they are born with. Honestly I think attractiveness is not single dimensional. Character does count. So does the way you carry yourself. And these are the dimensions that determine the type of person you end up with, which honestly, counts for far more than the number of people attracted to you.

While I can’t speak for the girls, I have a pretty good understanding of how men see women. Almost every straight guy wants to have a pretty girlfriend. Such desires can be very strong and blur his judgement. This is where problems come in. How are these girls going to know who simply likes her body and who’s wasting her time? In many cases, the men don’t even know which dimension they are attracted to. This creates a lot of “noise” when the girls need to choose who to go out with.

While this may seem like a pleasant headache to many, there are costs attached to it. The most obvious is the time and attention they have to pay to this aspect of their life to get things right. I’m not exaggerating things here. How would you know if someone really wants you and suits you when even they don’t know. And once the novelty of looks wears off, you could find yourself with a lot of time and emotions down the drain and this cycle has to be repeated many more times than someone in a relationship when character was the key point of attraction.

And how could I forget one of the major reasons I’m grateful to be a guy. Rejection hurts, especially when you’re the one dishing it out. The guilt is terrible. I don’t know about you but it cuts me every time I have to reject someone. Imagine the number of people pretty girls have to reject, never knowing whether she could be rejecting the person that was meant for her in the first place. Maybe some people like it, but I think it justifies me locking myself up in my room. Just in case.

I can’t and won’t pretend that I can tell you all the troubles associated with being pretty because I’m not a girl. I’ll have to leave it to Szez to write that because she’s the pretty one here. But, as a guy, I have to say that most of us do not feel that attractiveness is just physical and therefore impossible to control. The other dimensions I mentioned here, character and behaviour, contribute far more to long term relationships, those that count, far more than just looks. Yes, even to us sex-crazy guys.

This is an Honest Opinion exlusive.

See, the thing is, we’ve always insisted in honesty with each other. And Joe’s in Canada while I’m in Singapore, so… never mind the 15-hour time difference, we need a LOT of faith and honesty and cooperation to make this work. Lately, we’ve sorta run out of meaningful things to say to each other on the phone, and we call each other like, everyday once just so I know that he’s safe and well and he can rant to me about his new M6 and boating lessons. (yea, guys and their machines… *rolls eyes*)
So we’ve been joking about going on a break for the sake of trying to date other people to see how it’s like to miss each other…And I was a little shocked when he said “Are you serious?” because I thought this would NEVER seriously cross his mind. I don’t know if we’ve taken the joke too far.

I’ve never approved of “testing” a relationship just to see where it leads to, like, if you’re really meant for each other. If you truly love someone, why would you jeopardize the relationship by creating the perfect situation to cheat? OK, I’m obviously not for open relationships. lol. But unorthodox relationships aside, dating other people while on a break with someone you know you love is like creating a void in each others’ history that you’d always be curious about since you’re never gonna disclose all the details of what went on while you were not with him/her, and to me that’s as good as cheating. (Come’on, nobody can be THAT honest given freedom of this kind)
Besides, many things can go wrong with the first relationship when you subject it to a test like this: you can fall in love with the new person you date while on the break, you can let the date linger on even after you get back together with the boyfriend / girlfriend because you’ve caused one more person to fall for you and you now hafta deal with 2 people fighting for your attention (one will ask if you still love her/him and the other will convince you that you love her/him), when you decide to come back to the serious relationship, the other one might still be having fun doing the dating game, etc. And when those things happen, you’ll ask yourself if that little test was worth it especially when you thought you knew and loved the person. Why go through all that?

Maybe I’m too conservative, or too narrow minded, or not adventurous. But when it comes to the guy I know I care about, other girls better keep their paws off my man (although it’s understandable if he checks out hot girls in Canada, my eyes linger on hotties here myself. It’s normal.) And I’m not establishing double standards. I maintain the same degree of fidelity for myself.

Another thing I don’t get about people is that why would a girl lead a guy on with teasing and flirting if she’s not interested in him romantically? I just hate mind games like that. It’s a cheap thrill for ego boost & it breaks people’s hearts. Perhaps I’m too moral for the dating scene in this time, but at least I’ve got enough sense not to be the female version of John Tucker. lol.

I’m living in a dormitary where social interaction has been plentiful and has stopped my from referring to myself as thid person. Of course, another effect is that I’ve been pretty shut off from the rest of Singapore. This has been detox for my mind. My primary source of news has been Reuters and the BBC so you can imagine my surprise when I picked up the Straits Times the other day. It’s really hard to imagine how they spin pages and pages of propaganda saying how everyone loves us when the rest of the world is talking about the the ban on protests for this year’s IMF gathering here. This topic has been discussed to death though so let’s get back to me.

As you have probably guessed, I’ve been up to my eyes in work. That’s a heck of a way to shut me up I guess, and it’s actually pretty satisfying, but I will not stay quiet. Enough about my work, I will have to get back to it as soon as I finish this so I really do need my break. Let’s talk about the people who have been driving me nuts with their endless nagging about getting a girlfriend. Pardon me but I’ve just moved into a new environment and I really want to do well, I’m not really receptive to new challenges especially when it will not directly contribute to my networth in the next few years. I did not call myself The Capitalist Infidel for nothing you know. And in any case, is it that unreasonable to be quiet on this particular front for now when there really isn’t anyone who suits me? And why must the rumour mongers link me to different girls? I’m not even interested in playing the field. Stop messing with my head.

Enough about girls. Lets talk about project teams. I’ve haven’t exactly had the best of luck with my teams. Some are good but some have been horrible. The Capitalist Infidel does not like whiners. It really doesn’t help when we are stuck and people spend the time whining and complaining about how things are unfair. I know this sounds like what i’m doing now but hey, I’m not talking about how things are unfair I’m talking about how pissed I am about things like this. However, Kudos to me for jumping out of a potentially disasterous team earlier this week. I can’t release details, however, as there is a chance that one of them may end up reading this article but I can scarcely contain my glee. Humour me.

And finally, I will be having a week’s break soon. It’s just a break from lessons but I’ll probably have time to write a bit more, and maybe even have the luxury of going for coffee again. Let’s hope I get lucky.

This article was originally posted on the Capitalist Infidel’s blog but posted here for the convenience of his friends who may not even know he’s updated his blog after such a long break. Thanks for convincing me to write again Szez. 

If you go for desserts and want something light, go for dessert item no. 18 (SGD8)! It’s drizzled with strong green tea and has really nice combination of the azuki beans, sweet potato base and soft vanilla ice cream (which is far better than McD’s kind of course).

The food there is really really tasty too.. I had the set meal for the miso-flavoured salmon steak with beef and pork rice.. They serve nice miso soup with a bit of egg inside plus some pickled lotus root and carrots. Definitely worth the SGD15+ I paid..

Their hamburger steak is so-so… My buddy Mr Yangge preferred my beef and pork rice to his plum flavoured rice and took about half of my share.. hur hur.
Oh, if you’re just dropping by for a scoop of ice cream, try the durian flavour. It’s pretty smooth and not overly sweet.

People. Hate to live with them, would rather live without them.

Is it the weather? Or long-overdue visits to the dentist? Or just plain bad luck on my part??? All i can do is scoot.
If you have a friend with personal hygiene problems, PLEASE let them know, for the sake of Humanity’s noses…

Sidenote: Am reading Catch-22 by Joseph Heller now… LOVE it.
Posted in Szez’s blog as well.

Now, this makes for a potentially embarrassing situation, or the one that you hoped that you would get. The girl is now in your sphere of influence and you can work your charm on her. In theory anyway. Thing is, you’re not going to become friends with her. She knows you like her and whatever pretence we usually have about not wanting to get the girl everyone knows is attractive is futile. She knows you want to do naughty things to her.

Some of us may think it’s bad. It’s not. We all know about this little dance people have with their potential mates. They want to show they are interested and see if their interest is reciprocrated. Things get complicated when you don’t want to seem to obvious and yet want to make things obvious. It’s paradoxes galore. Now that she knows what you think, and it’s just between the two of you, one part of the equation is solved. You wait.

And that is what the Capitalist Infidel is doing. Waiting. Maybe I’ll get a good reaction, maybe I won’t. Right now, I’ll sit, cross my fingers, and think of how I should bitch about that little dance they call courtship soon. The Capitalist Infidel is getting distracted.