Why Attractive People have Unattractive Partners

17Jul06

The Capitalist Infidel is not the first to notice how attractive people, male or female, tend to have unattractive partners. Of course, not many people have come up with convincing reasons for that. The Capitalist Infidel has decided to take a break from all the heavy articles and attempt to do what others have failed today.

The Capitalist Infidel would like to start off with something fresh. The Capitalist Infidel has found that most attractive people know exactly how many people want them, which, in The Capitalist Infidel’s case, is a heck lot. But I digress, the thing is, the ego of attractive people is tied to the knowledge, or at least the delusion that people want them. They feel power from being desired. And they know that other attractive people get the same attention and feeling the same power.

Now, people in power rarely want to submit to anyone, even if it is someone with something that they want. In most cases, the attractiveness of both parties do not match. But with both of them being at the top of the pile, the weaker one knows that he can get someone else who is lower down the list and he can have power over. The power here of course stems from the fact that whoever can replace the other more easily can push the stakes higher in a game of emotional chicken. Therefore, with the abundance of choice and the knowledge and experience in the use of such power, few attractive people are willing to give it up just for a partner who might end up competing with them.

The ego also stands in the way of having the relationship started in the first place. Attractive people receive lots of romantic proposals, even for men, although it may be a little more subtle. Fact is, when you are faced with such a spread of choices and people who make you feel so sought after, you don’t want to risk your ego being broken by going someone who has not expressed explicit interest in you. It’s just not worth it.
Attractive people also know what is offered to them and their peers. A trip to the club usually ends up with a long list of suitors. They know the temptations facing their partners and the competition they will be facing. It’s not a pretty sight. They know that however attractive they are, someone else may hit a new button on the right night, and there will be a lot of punters pressing all the buttons they can possibly find. Those who have not experienced this will not be able to grasp the gravity of such situations. It would be great to find an attractive partner immune to this but it’s tough, and with the attention they are getting, they may not want to wait.

All this implies that the less attractive people do not really know what they are getting themselves into or feel that the chance of bumping their children up the genetic pool, if you’d pardon the pun, is worth the risk, which might make evolutionary sense.

Of course there is the good old fashioned idea that people go for personality and that someone you click with may not be on the same attractiveness scale as you. That does exist most of the time, and although The Capitalist Infidel suspects that the power play mentioned earlier might be a factor, he sincerely hopes that that is not the case. Maybe we are much more sophisticated in choosing our mates than we give ourselves credit for after all.

This article was first published in The Capitalist Infidel’s Blog.

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16 Responses to “Why Attractive People have Unattractive Partners”

  1. 1 Q

    i think u should refer to attractive ppl in ur text as good looking ppl. attractiveness is many things. i am attractive but i know its not my looks. i look shit for 21. sometimes it’s just fate that good looking ppl end up with a 5 feet pile of dong. oh and u may wonder that this idiot dont even have other qualities of attraction like confidence or listener. so why the girl still falls for the guy? mb he has a very deep pocket or he belongs to the eight-inch club? god knows…sometimes while thinking about all these, i end up i scarying myself. anyway, i think szez and nivea did a fantastic job in putting up this blog. mb u shud put up a list of wad women want?? lol bigtime!!!

  2. 2 Q

    also just to add further weight to my pt..
    looks + no humour= sucks
    no looks + brains= interesting
    no looks + humour= challenging
    no looks + money= shud spend more money on looks
    looks + brains + money= hard to settle down
    soul booster + mystic staff= arghanim’s scepter
    no looks + 4 children= Siti Nurhaliza & Datuk K

    see! thats why i said sometimes i scare myself.

  3. 4 Juliet

    I have always been attractive (genetics… no effort on my part) and have to say… the truth might hurt, but you are so right on the money.

  4. 5 joe

    So then juliet ( and the rest of you pretty people ) , you guys are pretty much beautiful cowards. But heck, why wouldn’t you be. I’m sure there would be plenty of loser guys willing to even tie your shoe on the spot if you needed. Yeap, just leave it up to the losers to make the world go round–but yeah, its true, they need a pretty face to give them motivation…..haha

  5. 6 Joe

    People GO for looks, And STAY for personality.
    However if you dont have the looks, then getting to first base will always be a problem. good looking people on the other hand recieve many minor benefits (many the dont realise) thru their lives, but one day things may change. That good looker may lose thier only assest, as thier piers mature to an age where they realise (under 30-s are all very VERY superficial) that the good-looker is actually just a plane jane. then th e good-looker will have nothing. Just see the blonde chick in american beauty. perfect case study. so i say too all you smokin chicks and handsome guys, you better realise that there is more to life than your god-damn face, and that if you realise it you are destined to a life of misery. Most good-looking people i’ve met have been shallow, self-centred, and materialistic.

  6. 7 tma

    i agree Joe :)

    i m jus above avg …. but i got attraction… but is jus a tool which is useful alot when u see sb u love…. to attract ur love ba….

    so…i think is not very imp to b popular…. being popular is very very tiresome …. cos every one wanna test the achievement of tat person~~ * sigh *

  7. 8 Synalon

    Joe, you’re saying that all attractive people are bad people?! That’s completely wrong. You’re just as likely to be an intelligent, great person or a bastard whether you’re good-looking or ugly.

    How could it be possible for most beautiful people to date unattractive people if they are also shallow? Plus, people in general are shallow, beautiful people can just get other more beautiful people.

    Physical attractiveness has no impact at all on solipsisity or materialism. It seems to me that you’re just ranting at pretty people because you’re angry that they have something you haven’t got.

  8. I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you write about this topic. Why have you chosen it again?

  9. 10 Jay

    This entire overgeneralized article and all you who have responded are incredibly ignorant and shallow to have bought and swallowed this undercooked tripe and swallowed every soggy word of it. Many attractive people I know only act shallow because they are terrified of judgement from people who might hate them for being attractive. I, for example, am a relatively attractive guy and I get hit on or oogled quite a bit. I can’t stand it, and just because you would give your left toe to be good looking doesn’t mean the people who do have looks are “blessed”. You think its easier to have looks, but trust me its much easier to be average if you don’t like attention. This all revolves around desire and it sounds to me like we all have desired a little too much. i desire less attractiveness. I actually dress as plain as possible and I don’t comb my hair, I pretty much look as crappy as possible to avoid attention. Its like the celeb curse. Many people think celebrities are shallow but they just want to be left the f*k alone.

  10. 11 Jay

    Btw…take a picture and go to hell with it.

  11. Jay, attractive people who dress sloppy will still be attractive. ;p
    But one thing to note on ur post, celebrities do not want to be left alone, there’s a reason why they choose to be famous in the first place. They love the attention.
    Attractive people do not have to act shallow or judgement from people. If they do, it’s probably because they lack the substance and/or confidence to match up to the impression they give ppl owing to their looks.
    Be an alpha male, Jay. Don’t be afraid of ur own strength. Maybe I’ll date you (provided you’re not Singaporean).

  12. 13 johnny

    This is actually right on the money for me. I’ve had plenty of female suitors but I always inevitably wind up with the average submissive types over attractive girls with high self-esteem.

    I’ve had short-term relationship with attractive girls, but they always fissle out due to competition from others and mismatch of dominant personalities. Average girls will do anything I want, and I don’t have to put anything into the relationship, so I hold onto them until something slightly better comes along.

    I’ve actually never gone out of my way to hit on an attractive girl. Girls approach me, the attractive ones lose interest for various reasons and the average girls stick around at all costs. I’ve strung along girls who I’ve told were only worthy of “pleasing me” at 3am or before class.

    I get comfort and satisfaction from relationships where I’m totally in control. Looks are irrelevant for me.

    • 14 anne

      Wow that has to be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Way to take advantage of girls with low self esteem dude.

  13. 15 Gordon

    I’m a male, and am attractive. Girls like both my looks and character. When I was in high school I was on/off attractive due to acne, but I also couldn’t stand the attention I received when I was covered in pimples and when I was clean. Became really self-conscious.

    Now that I’m 18, clear, built and mature (enough)…I could care less about what others think of me. I found my purpose, and I realized that whatever someone else may think of me, it doesn’t affect whether or not I can wake up and go work for my purpose. When I walk in the streets all the females respond to me, but I don’t care about the attention anymore, not like the self-conscious boy I used to be.

    Although a lot of the girls I know are attracted to me, I myself have known very few girls who are attractive to me. (since I matured, not before, because before my preferences were that of a boy’s)

    The partner I would like is someone who I can respect as much as I respect myself. If they have less status/value/self-esteem, or don’t know themselves well, I don’t find them attractive. I’ve found that at least near genius-level intelligence, and good looks, is a prerequisite for these traits to occur in females.

    A problem I have found with my preferences in female partners so far is that with those strong independent women, I actually care about what their opinion of me is. They make me nervous, because no one else does ^^

    But they’re the only ones I can ever love.

    P.S. Attractiveness is not skin deep, for girls. You chicks love any man who’s a real man. The sad truth is the opposite is true for most males, especially those who aren’t truly men, or are flawed men = most of the male population. Always breaks my heart when a relationship is flawed because the male is not being a man (which is 99% of the time).


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